Parish group supports parents bereaving the loss of children

By Tanya Connor
The Catholic Free Press

“Nobody can understand child loss unless they’ve been through it. ... It’s different than any other loss.”

So says Teresa “Terry” Gentile, a member of St. George Parish in Worcester, who co-leads the Pietà Support Group for Bereaved Parents there.

All bereaved parents are welcome to attend the gatherings at 7 p.m. the second Monday of each month in the hall beneath the church at 38 Brattle St. They can come whenever they want to, no matter how long ago their child died or how old he or she was.  

“Sometimes it’s hard for somebody to come to a support group,” Mrs. Gentile explained. So, some new attendees have initially brought a family member, such as their sister or mother.
“Most men don’t continue to come,” but they’re welcome, she said. Currently one man has been coming with his wife, and about 10 other women attend any given meeting. She called the group non-discriminatory and non-judgmental and said there is no commitment or fee.
“We start with a prayer,” she said.  

Although the group is open to people of any faith from anywhere, it hosts an “annual Pietà Mass to honor and remember our children” the first Monday in May at St. George’s. Mrs. Gentile said that is a time of celebrating resurrection and it is close to Mother’s Day, an especially hard day for bereaved mothers. All who knew the deceased children are welcome.  
During the Mass candles are lit one by one and each deceased child’s name is spoken, along with words such as, “We remember,” Mrs. Gentile said. Msgr. Peter R. Beaulieu, the group’s spiritual advisor, who is also director of mission integration and pastoral care at St. Vincent Hospital, usually celebrates the Mass. St. George’s music ministry leads the singing.
Fellowship over refreshments follows.

Since the Mass used to be celebrated in Advent, now a remembrance ceremony with candle-lighting is held at the December meeting, to which parents bring photos of their children, Mrs. Gentile said.

When newcomers attend a meeting, those present introduce themselves.

“People are encouraged to speak if they want to,” but don’t have to, Mrs. Gentile said. “I always go in with an article or a subject” to talk about if it works out. “If not, we do what everybody wants to. People are free to share their experiences from the previous month. … It’s a comfortable group. …

“We go to meetings to give hope … hope for survival” to other parents, she said. “For a lot of us who’ve been meeting for a long time, it helps us to help the next person. … So we share thoughts, feelings, stories about our children, worries or concerns about their lives.” They also talk about signs they believe their children are sending to let them know they are alright and close by.

“We share those stories because sometimes parents … they’re not sure that [other] people would understand,” Mrs. Gentile said. “We all know they’re real … [which] helps us to get through” the grief.  

In May 2002, she and her husband, Lawrence Gentile, learned that their 16-year-old, Angelo, was scheduled for open heart surgery, she said. Around that time, when about to receive Communion, “I had this flash” – a mental image of the Blessed Mother holding the body of Jesus after his crucifixion, as depicted artistically in the Pietà.

Angelo’s surgery, was supposed to be less complicated than other surgeries he had had for the congenital heart defect he was born with. The surgery was on his 17th birthday, June 28, 2002. He died the next day from complications, his mother said.

About three years later, a priest-friend filling in at St. George’s told her about a bereaved parents support group called Pietà in Hudson. Mrs. Gentile suddenly recalled the mental image she’d had of the Pietà.  

The leader’s name was Catherine Russell, the same name as one of Angelo’s best friends at St. Peter-Marian Central Catholic Junior/Senior High School.

Mrs. Gentile said she went to the group’s meeting the next day and continued attending. When a fellow-parishioner, Sue Stevens, lost her son in 2005, Mrs. Gentile invited her to go too, and she did.  

Unaware of any group like this in the Worcester area, Mrs. Gentile asked Mrs. Stevens if she would help start one at St. George’s. With the support of Msgr. Beaulieu, and Father Ronald G. Falco, their pastor at the time, they did so in 2008 and have continued co-chairing it since then, Mrs. Gentile said. She said Mrs. Russell, who has since died, was pleased that a Pietà group was started in the Worcester diocese.

The Worcester group donated a bench, in memory of participants’ children, for the Mary Garden, a statue of the Blessed Mother surrounded by flowers, outside St. George’s Church, Mrs. Gentile she said.

She said the Pietà group is not affiliated with St. George’s annual Bereavement Mass in November, or the  bereavement group which provides hospitality to families after funerals, or with other area bereavement support groups listed on the parish website.

Groups using the name Pietà are not necessarily affiliated with each other or using the same format or material, she said.  

She said she gave material she has used to an attendee who was moving to Texas, and the woman said she might start a Pietà group there. Mrs. Gentile also sent information to a stranger who she thinks sought information online and called her from another state, interested in starting a group in her area.

Mrs. Gentile said her own involvement with the Pietà support group 22 years after her son’s death is not “that I’m stuck in my grief.” Rather, she wants to help other bereaved parents to heal.